Fearless Exploration

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Anaïs Nin

A couple of weeks ago my son decided that he wanted to play the saxophone. He had mentioned it off and on for a little while, but now he was actually committing to it. (I think Maggie Simpson jamming to the show’s theme song on her sax may have had something to do with it, but, hey, if something good comes from watching The Simpsons, I’ll take it.) So, we went to the music store to rent his saxophone, and by the time we got home, he was itching to get started.

“Maybe you should wait until band starts,” I heard myself saying. “It’s an expensive instrument, and we don’t know how to put it together.” (Both very valid points, in my mind.)

“But I really want to play now!”

“You don’t know where the notes are on it or anything,” I added. Truthfully, the instrument scared me to death – all of those pieces and buttons and everything. Surely we would break it.

“Please?”

So he and my husband took it piece by piece and put it together, while I nervously played with the rings on my fingers (my tell-tale sign that I was sure something was going to go horribly wrong).

When they finished, reed and all, our son stood beaming in front of us, looking – and obviously feeling – cool as hell with the sax hanging from his neck.

And then he played. He played one tentative note at first, sounding a little like a sick goose, and he giggled. Then he tried again and again until he figured out how he needed to form his mouth, how to control his breath, and how to move his fingers. The next thing I knew, he was standing there stringing notes together, moving his fingers up and down the instrument, dipping and swaying to the music with his eyes closed, improvising as if he were John Coltrane.

I sat transfixed; in awe of the transformation that had just taken place before my eyes – a tentative but eager, young boy metamorphosed into a rockin’ and rollin’ saxophonist. But more than that, my son’s fearlessness in exploring something new and completely unknown inspired and affected me.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about that word – “fearless.” It’s an interesting word. Taken apart, it’s a command – “fear less” – a wonderfully freeing command that can open us up to new experiences. Kept together, “fearless” suggests someone courageous and confident, someone who doesn’t allow fear to stop her or to hold him back. Kind of like my son.

Most of the time we think of fearlessness in extraordinary situations: Joan of Arc leading her army into battle; a firefighter running into a burning building to save lives; a doctor scrubbing up for a life-saving surgery. But what would happen if we applied this word to our everyday lives and ordinary situations? What if we didn’t reserve the use of this word only for extreme circumstances or for those whom we thought “deserved” the title, but rather brought it into our daily vernacular and applied it to ourselves? Could our lives start to shift a bit each day? Would that, in turn, lead to greater change down the road? I wonder.

I’m nervous about my performance review with my boss today.

I am fearless and confident as I talk to my boss about all that I have accomplished this year.

I want to take a trip to visit my friend, but I’m scared to drive that distance alone.

I am fearless and confident. The trip is an adventure! I can go at my own pace and stop when I need to, create an awesome playlist and bring fun snacks, and spend precious time with my dear friend.

I’m worried about starting _____________________ because I’m afraid I won’t do it well.

I am fearless and confident as I begin this new journey. I have a great deal to bring to it, and I’ll learn what I need to along the way.

I don’t think my son really thought about being afraid (no thanks to me, I might add). He just really wanted to play the saxophone and didn’t want to wait. Maybe that’s the key; maybe the key is to be so focused on our goal that fear is not an issue. Who cares if we don’t know where the notes are on the instrument? Let’s be fearless in our approach and exploration and just begin. Our lives can only expand as a result.

Photo by Janine Robinson on Unsplash